Contentment
by Al Garrotto
Eyes closed… yet fully alert…. not much sleep… day or night… since this… this amazing handful of nearly weightless flesh and bone arrived… home….
….“Flesh of my flesh… bone of my bone.” Where did I hear that? …Shakespeare? …Sounds biblical…. Why does it come to mind?
I wonder…. why do only women get to experience this… intimate… terrifying… nine months of bonding… housing… feeding… nourishing… nurturing? …All I could do these endless months? … Watch… and wish I’d had some part… any part… in carrying this amazing… miracle child inside my body….
Thank you, God… for what? …Letting him come into the world intact… with all pieces and parts… whole and functioning
.…Let it always be so.
If miracles happen… really… I just lived through one… and… it’s just begun…. It comes with a promise to… keep on giving… till when? …I can’t bear the thought of his not being with us… forever…. Can I live forever? …Can my wife? …This little guy next to me? …Will the day come when… all humans can live… in peace… forever? …Is there such a thing as… “happily alive… ever after”? …After what? …I can’t even say the “D” word…. I want so much to believe… in endless ever after.
Just turned thirty…. Already seen so much… too much….
I hate the word… death…. I’ve had nightmares… recurring terrors…. Not so much anymore…. Did what I could… got some frantic Afghan moms… dads… newborns… kids… teens… off the Kabul runway… barely the clothes on their backs… to safety… somewhere…. Is there even a… “safe somewhere”… Or is “safe” a fantasy… a dream that comes… goes… but doesn’t exist… not in the real world? ….What if it’d been my wife on that plane… and this miracle next to me?
Erase! …Live in the moment…. Love what’s now… Be the best I can be… protect him… with my life.…
My right arm’s asleep…. Can’t move though…. Can’t get up…. Don’t want to…. Why interrupt the best hour of my life?
So sleep, arm…. sleep… any fiber of my being that needs to…. Me? …I’m staying awake…. like a night watchman…. I may never sleep again until… when? …He’s eighteen? …No…. At eighteen I felt… indestructible… too many foolish risks…. Twenty-one? …False bravado… terrified of responsibility…. Then why the Air Force? …A way of… what? …Challenging death? …Cheating fate? …Fool! …Today… I want to live forever…. with my beloved… and our baby… to see his bride and children… yeah, and their kids…. Happily ever after? …A pipe dream? …Or just a wonderful… real life… d.. r…e…a….m….
Alfred J. Garrotto, Author, Living Your Art—Loving Your Life: 101 Reflections on Your Gift of Art
Jill Hedgecock, Author, https://amzn.to/3LqL4Zv
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i did post the comment…above…..thank you…
Thank you Al, for sending this along. The “wording” experience was truly a work of Art. Being a professional in Ballet for years….I do appreciate the ‘related’ arts…Your part in this play of words and art…is most special.